Good heavens.  It's been two months.

So, yes, essentially, I suck.  I've been told that this method of journal-like
"updates" is basically obsolete anyway, because without an RSS feed
or something no one knows that I've updated, and when I update 
with such infrequency, it doesn't engender regular visits from friends.

But for you, casual passerby, and for me (*waves brightly*),
it makes a difference, I guess.

So, what's new?  Well.  I dyed my hair red, myself, out of a box...
but didn't get any pictures right after the dye job,
so now it's faded into a more mellow auburn rather than the very
RED it once was (stayed more red than the temporary stuff did, however).
At this point (a month later) it needs re-doing,
so I'll have to break out the digital once I've done so.
I so rarely have any occasion to take photos anymore;
that's how rather unremarkable my daily existence is these days.

In other news, law school applications are beginning to move along.
One (!) has even been sent.  I wanted to spend the night
working on them... but LSAC has decided to "update" its "services"
for "convenience" (har dee har), so I'm free to update my website instead.
Careful readers will note that there are MANY (!) new additions to the
cumbersome CD pages; highlights are mostly from the Barsuk label,
my new favorite music website, because ALL its artists are AMAZING.
Current faves are Rilo Kiley (now with new cd!), John Vanderslice, Nada Surf,
the Long Winters, and more well known Death Cab (the cash cow.  hee).
I've also found that I'm becoming a much faster consumer of music anymore.
What I mean is that I can't listen to a cd for weeks on end like I used to.
I still go through cycles of passion about an album, but they tend to spin and burn out
MUCH more quickly than they did in, say, high school.
Not really good or bad... well, kind of bad, because it's kind of expensive.

Also, musically speaking, WOXY online just isn't the same as WOXY on the radio.
The nice part about having them on the radio is that their playlists had to be stricter,
and you grew to like songs you weren't crazy about the first time you heard them
simply through familiarity.  Commercial radio, of course, does this to a nauseating
extent, but there is something to be said about mild repetition, and with no label
accountability, I often just hear the occasional tune I like rather than learn to love
the new ones.  Of course, Shiv played Keane on his shift and it got me adoring them,
so I suppose there's an exception to every rule.

I quit Sunday School in late August because the stress was getting to me.
I know, I know, it wasn't that big a commitment... but I really appreciate
being able to take a weekend off without feeling like I'm letting somebody down.
Kaplan lead teaching has begun; it's not too bad, but it takes time, and since I'm
craaaaazy busy this fall, it would be nice if it happened, well, less frequently.
I'm a much better rider of horses after a year of lessons, so much so
that I've started to outgrow my comrades in the Thursday class.
What this means for me is that, essentially, if I want to be challenged,
I have to move to a new class.  On Tuesdays.  Sigh.
I can't until Messiah is over, but I think I'll bow out of DPO come January.
I get more out of riding than I do singing these days (never thought I'd say that),
and I'm more likely to be able to find a chorus in law school than I am
a riding stable that gives lessons and fits into my schedule.  I hate these tough choices.

What else... golf!  I'm actually pretty good.  I have nice custom-fit clubs
with extra-long shafts, because that's what I require for a proper swing
(insert your own lewd comment here, thanks).  It's kind of expensive,
the lessons and the hardware, but it's an extravagance I'm paying for
with my own money, so it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
I've gotten better at knitting: after Mom's heinously-long-to-knit scarf
(never use size 8 needles when size 12 will suffice), I managed to knit up
a lovely russet-colored eyelash yarn scarf for myself in less than a week.
A week!  Miraculous.  Will look lovely with my new blue coat.

I'm seeing R.E.M. in three weeks.
I'm going to Seattle in just shy of 4.
I'm flying to LA for new year's and staying a week.
Mom's begun to plan a Hawaii vacation for April.
Who said a full-time job had to be a drag?  Hee.
Actually, I blame it for why I never can write back emails on my home account
or update this website with any regularity: I just want to watch TV in the evening.
The commute, the stuck-at-my-desk-printer-fax-or-copier routine,
the beautiful weather that only breaks my heart when I can't be out in it,
when I'm forced to stay inside.
Don't get me wrong--I like what I do, for the most part, and I know
it's not permanent... but it's just hard adjusting.

I think it's the lack of summer vacation.  I'm starting to get cabin fever.

I want to make a mix cd and incorporate old music, not just new stuff.
I find that very, very hard to do.  (Refer back to shelf life of music, paragraph 5.)
Songs I love and have for years... nothing wrong with including those.
I think the exam recoveries have been a bad influence.  *heh*
I still have plans for a radio mix, a stalkersongs mix, and my grand
tour de force, a 4-cd seasonal mix... I think I'll make them ALL during
the holiday season this year.  Celebrate law school apps being done and all.
I mean, the seasonal one has been kicking around gathering songs for almost
a year now... I think I've got plenty for Summer, and Spring & Fall are on
their way... but Winter?  Who knew that would be the hardest?  Hm.
Suggestions are welcome, for all of the above.

Longest.  Update.  Ever.
I dare you to dispute me.
Time to go watch Dead Like Me
(refer back to TV as anesthetic, paragraph 8).

Also, digging this song by Dogs Die in Hot Cars.
Anyone know anything else about them?  Like the band name.
Unique and informative at the same time.  Good for them.

Well well well.  Doesn't this just beat all.

So today, in the mail, I get a letter from Yale's Registrar.
I don't get much correspondence from them anymore.
We've grown apart ever since I've stopped sending
thousands of dollars their way every semester.

But anyway.  Per "an administrative error"
and a recalculation, I can now consider myself
(after fifteen months of stultifying ignominy)
a cum laude graduate of Yale University.

Super.  Great.  Fantastic.
when I'm actually RECEIVING MY DIPLOMA
IN FRONT OF MY PEERS, no one got to hear about it.

So this is me now, waving my arms frantically
and shouting to anyone that will hear it, "CUM LAUDE!

(...and you can save your tired sexual witticisms for someone who cares.  Honestly, you people.)

Anyway.  That's all.  I get a new diploma, too.
Now I can use this old one as a placemat, or something.
At least tomorrow's my reward lunch for being
Employee of the Month for June.

(Hear that, Yale?  at least SOMEone appreciates me.  Feh.)

"You got me moving in a circle
I dyed my hair red today..."

Well, actually, yesterday.
And sadly, a lot of the RED! color washed out
in the shower this morning, leaving a more subtle AUBURN!
But whatever.  It's a change, and in the future
I'm going to skip the salonarrific prices and dye it myself.
Hopefully the color will last longer (and be redder).
Maybe I'll post a photo, or something.
Or maybe Mike Y. will, as I got to see him & Miriam
in Columbus yesterday just after the dye job.  Whee!

Otherwise.  Spent a weekend here.  YAY.
Stressed out about my application essay (which I STILL
haven't written, because I SUCK) and applications
in general... Gah.  I never seem to have time to do anything.

Maybe I watch too much TV.

Anyway.  I keep saying that I'm going to update
this ol'website, and I keep NOT DOING IT.
I'm pretty useless, aren't I?  Oh, well.
One of these days, I promise.

Maybe, you know, when Früvous reunites.
Heh.  Heh.  Heh.

Wow.  Another update a week later.
What's gotten into me, you ask?


FYI, in the photos of the rally, if you can see
the fellow waving the large white sign off to the left,
I'm, like, 5 rows behind him.
I swear.  Really.

The rest of the photos?  A Kerry party with Jerry!
Springer, that is.  He was wearing Camper shoes
and was thoroughly impressed that I noticed.
(Honestly, though, would you expect any less from me?)
I should have a pretty nice shot of the two of us
once I finish the roll that's currently in my camera.
He gave a very intelligent and impressive speech,
and I felt pretty darn cool rubbing elbows with
numerous Democratic elected officials and the like.
I should not have worn polyester when it was 85 degrees
and HUMID, but you live and learn.

Also, I was on channels 2 and 22's evening news,
waving my Kerry/Edwards sign and grinning madly
in the background while they interviewed Jerry.  Hee.

Um, what else is new?
Not much.  Heading here in a week.
Cleaned five years' worth of dust out of my CPU
and it's much happier for it.  Just wish I'd done it sooner.
I think I burned out the motor to one of the fans
because it was clogged so badly with dust.  Ugh.
Now, if only the wireless card I bought would WORK,
maybe I'd update my webpage more often...

OH!  Something else.
I just read Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer,
and now I'm OBSESSED with that Everest disaster of '96.
I cannot BELIEVE that this happened while I was alive,
COGNIZANT, even, and I didn't notice at all.
READ THIS BOOK.  It's wonderful, horrible and fascinating,
all at the very same time.  So.  Good.

Also, I'm going to buy an iPod.  And dye my hair red.
Watch for it.  Winds of change, friends.  Winds of change.

yell "JOHN!" and they'll both turn around!
Found this on the diesel sweeties forum today:

Hee!  I love it.

Anyway.  Went to my first real presidential rally this afternoon,
downtown at RiverScape MetroPark.  Pretty freaking cool.
I had a "blue" ticket, which meant "cooler than the proletariat"
but "not as cool as the people in front of you with red tickets".
Still managed to get within 100 feet of the action, with a great
view of all the speakers, and weaseled my way up to the front
to nab Kerry's autograph post-show.  MAN, was it exciting!
I'm so jazzed for the challenge that this election year brings.
Of course, I'd rather it be a shoo-in for the Democrats,
but I honestly think the Republicans are starting to run scared--
and well they should be.  Twits.

Also, Teresa Heinz Kerry?  AWESOME.  I LOVE her.
She is indeed a breath of fresh air from the current prez's
stale, cookie-cutter wifey.  Someday we WILL have
a woman in this country's highest office, indeed!  :D

Sooo, what else is new... I'm taking golf lessons.
Had one again tonight.  I like it; it's fun.  I just need to
practice more on my own, which is hard because
I don't really interact with anyone who PLAYS golf
and it's sort of intimidating to play 9 holes all by myself.
I can definitely do a driving range, though.
Suppose that's as good a place as any to start.

Hm.  I'd forgotten how crappy a dial-up connection is.
Damn, but I've got to get this computer on Roadrunner.
Also, I still need a new monitor.  But that's not very interesting.

THIS is interesting, and good and wonderful and YAY:
97X is coming back!!!
Online only, of course, and there's no set date for return--
but ohh, I thank those lovely donor angels who bankrolled
our prodigal radio child from the bottom of my heart.

Additionally, I still am working on my application essay,
but I have more direction now than I once did... I think.
It'll happen, it'll happen.
I am NOT, however, practicing guitar, and that is Bad.
I am nearly finished with knitting Mom's scarf, though,
and that is Good, as I got lots of wonderful yarns in Stratford
that I'm, er, itching to try out.  Heh.  Heh.  whoo.

I'm going into work an hour early tomorrow to make up
for the time I missed while attending the rally, so perhaps
I ought to call it a night.  Ta, gentle reader.  More soon.

A collection of somewhat unrelated thoughts,
as I'm leaving for the Stratford Festival tomorrow
and plan to shut off this beast of a desktop while I'm gone:

I LOVE Franz Ferdinand's new cd.
Another disc where I just can't choose a favorite track,
because they're ALL good.
Again, though: why can't these CDs be longer??

I miss 97X lots.  Every day, actually.
Is that unreasonable?  I think not.

It is almost June.  I have yet to start
my Personal Statement for Law School.
That is starting to be Problematic.

Working at a personal injury law firm
makes you PARANOID of other drivers.
Please, for your own sake
and the sake of those with whom you share the road,
don't run red lights and don't tailgate.

And finally:


Thank you and goodnight.

That's it.  It's gone.
I've never heard a station just go off the air like that before.
Static where once the voice of Steve Baker had been.

It's been really, really wonderful,
and I know I was truly privileged (for once!)
to live in southwestern Ohio
and be able to hear all manner of good music
on my car's little radio.

My alarm is still set to 97.7, but right now it's an empty signal.
I have no idea what I'll be waking up to,
and it's simply devastating (and a little scary).

Goodbye, good luck and God speed, all of you.
Now, if I could only stop crying...

Heh.  I found this funny, and somewhat apt:


I don't necessarily think the poor man is a douchebag,
though perhaps he could stand to be a little less, er, formal.
But anyway.  If you're even moderately liberal,
do not pass go, do not vote for Ralph Nader,
and do NOT let us suffer through four more years of W.
Pretty please?  Thanks.

In other news:
I'm becoming an indie-rockaholic.  For serious.
I'm feeling somewhat embarrassed,
like I'm about to be found out as a poseur at any moment.
But if I honestly, genuinely like it... that's ok, right?
I'm oh so very excited about my new acquisitons of Jem, Elbow,
Aveo, the Von Bondies and Modest Mouse.

Also, the new Sarah Harmer cd?  Lovely.  Absolutely lovely.
I'm not sure that I like every track on it,
but those that I do, I adore.
(Which reminds me:
I need to send out a spring EC mailing.  Hm.)
Where I was going with that:
I was listening to Sarah on the way back from Kaplan last night,
and the odd lilting quality of her voice and her propensity
for haunting, open harmonization with herself brought me
immediately back to spring of 2000.  It was absolutely uncanny.
These were entirely new songs, but her voice--it was like
I was a freshman again, wandering around New Haven with
thoughts of Fruvous at Toad's swirling in my head,
falling in love and beginning to find myself all at once.

Absolutely uncanny.

So much has changed since then, but I have complete confidence
that Sarah Harmer will forever be, for me, the sound of springtime,
of that tinge of brilliance that everything reflects
when one is preoccupied, oh so preoccupied...

Wow.  How the years have flown.

we took it all, without taking it away
we shook it,
it didn't blow up in our face--
this life's abundancy came clear to me

Four-four-oh four...  huh.
Anyway.  Bought a couple new CDs today
(Damien Rice & Azure Ray, both heartbreakingly lovely)
and updated the archive; additionally, I think
the LCD connector on this monitor is faulty,
'cause there are all sorts of unsightly horizontal
lines across the screen.  Bother.  It's only 2.5 years old.

So.  In other news: I've re-vamped the writings page
ever so slightly.  One of these days I'll, like, get it all
off Geocites.  Someday, I promise.

Um.  I had more to say.
Lots, in fact.  But it's all eluding me right now.
Here's something: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?
Quite possibly my new favorite film.
For serious.  It's breathtaking and heartbreaking,
and reminds me in so many ways of my last (only?)
great romantic falling-apart.

I need to go to bed earlier tonight, to make up
for the hour I lost last night.  Sheesh.
I appreciate the sunlight, but I've been sleepy all day.

I also need to take honest stock of my life,
where I am and where I'm going.
As much as law school seems to make
all the sense in the world, I can't help
but worry that it's not really the right choice.

But if it isn't, what is?
Anybody?  Help!

Incidentally, I think this more or less applies to me.
Also, I wish sometimes that it's really 1988,
and that R.E.M. are only just now peaking
and I'd be right there, at the forefront,
passing out mix tapes to my friends
and waiting in line outside teensy clubs to see them.
I want to have a perfect, amazing little band
of my very own, now, in this moment
that grows into a huge, acclaimed, still-amazing band
right before my very eyes.

Not too much to ask, is it?  I thought not.

Oh, and I'm practicing guitar again.  A little.

It's the Ides of March, yo'.  Like, beware, and stuff.

I have Real Honest Excuses for not updating in such a long time
(as opposed to those Petty Lying Excuses I usually have):

Excuse #1: did you know that MS Office XP doesn't include
FrontPage?  I didn't until last week.  And now I just don't know
what to do about it.  Buy it separately, I suppose, now that I'm
using my laptop tons more, since our house went from Canyon
of Dusty Analog Devices to Apex o' Technology in a single week
(we got TiVo-like digital cable *and* wireless internet!  rawk!).

Excuse #2: if I want to then *upload* said webpages via my
laptop, I've got to buy a new version of CuteFTP, 'cause my
license agreement only allows usage on one computer.  So it's
back to the ol' desktop for web updates (and it's really weird
to use old-skool windows after using XP at home and work
for weeks on end).

Excuse #3: I *am* working, and therefore tired and stuff
when I come home and not as given to frivolous pursuits.
That doesn't mean that I shouldn't, like, seriously think about
changing (and, hello, UPDATING) the content here--after all,
seventh grade wasn't *that* long ago when I started making
webpages, but it's literally 10 years ago at this point.  It's cute
and quaint that that writing's still around, but, like... where's
the new stuff?

...good question.  I'm getting better at writing a little daily,
but that's mostly "I did this and that and this again and whoo,
I'm tired 'cause I always do this right before bed."
I haven't done anything creatively in so long, it's embarrasing.
I'm beginning to wonder if I still can anymore.
I read a couple of my favorite Billy Collins poems yesterday,
and it was definitely inspiring, if somewhat wistfully so.
I really wish I had been the one to write "Lines written
over 3000 miles from Tintern Abbey," because it embodies
SO much of what I feel about the concept of
nostalgia, and in such a literarily clever manner.
Damn, but he's good.

So anyway.  I've bought a whole bunch of new cds lately:
Death Cab for Cutie.  Cat Power.  The New Pornographers.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs.  The Thrills.  The Shins.  The Bens EP.
Grandaddy.  Twilight Singers.  Thank you, WOXY.
I am SO going to miss you on my daily commute,
and I long for the day that I can listen to you at work.

Also, I ran across a really great webjournal tonight,
one that embodies the very sorts of outer-inner monologues
that make such exercises in self-absorption somewhat worthwhile.
Made me wish I'd said what he'd said,
or had a place to print the lyrics from a song I'd just heard
and completely and utterly empathized with.

Oh, wait--don't I have a place for that already?  Shucks.

Hey, The Bens are on WOXY!  Good omen.
Must now dance wildly around my room shouting,

Pardon me.  Until next month, gentle reader.

Man, I suck.  A whole month, no updates.  I'm sorry.

I'm listening to Finley Quaye/Beth Orton's collaboration
"Dice" on repeat...  I don't often do that with songs, but
it's just so purdy.  And I've been having weird nostalgic
moments all day (a byproduct of living back home again,
I suppose).  Running into a guy I haven't seen since middle
school didn't hurt, either.  Craaaaazy.  Oh, if any of you can
tell me what Finley Quaye song might've been a mid-to-late
90's radio hit (to explain why his name is so familiar),
I'll send you cookies, I swear.  It's driving me nuts.

Anyway.  I'm employed, full-time; I start work as a
negotiations assistant for Dyer, Garofalo, Mann & Schultz
on Monday.  I'm a little apprehensive, but I think I'll enjoy it.
It'll give me practical legal experience and a minor sense
of purpose for my life.  What more can one really ask for?

I'm starting to feel old by 22.  Like it's already too late,
and you're only young and pretty for, like, an instant,
and you'd better make it count.  Not that I'm worried about
growing haggard as I age, but... well, I guess it just bothers
me to see these 16-year-old stars, and I think, huh.  That
can never be me.  I'm already too old.  And the part of me
that still remembers what it was like to be in theater nudges
my subconscious, and I start worrying that I've made
the wrong choice.  And I start wondering if any choice is ever,
honestly, truly right.  Or whether I had any choice in the matter at all,
because everything is really just up to chance.

All of which makes me feel anxious, and old.
Vicious circle.

I miss my radio show.  And I'm so bummed that WOXY
is foregoing its terrestrial broadcast come May 1.
The other morning, my clock radio went off, and I woke up
to Guster's "Barrel of a Gun."

How often does that happen?  Geez.
I know why the switch has to be made, and I understand...
but that doesn't mean I have to like it.  Sigh.

nothing can compare to when you roll the dice,
and swear that your love's for me...

...and another year goes by.

I think I'll actually shake things up
around here in '04; get rid of the old
and bring in some new.  We shall see.

Happy new year, friends.  Here's to the future.